it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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