Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
