if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
