you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
