I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My vagina just clenched in fear
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
