is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
