I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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