I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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