I think my vagina is haunted
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
