Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
