there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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