He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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