Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
