Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
