Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
