she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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