I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
