The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
