I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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