I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
