We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
