Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The air was thick with penises
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
