All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
