I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
