one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You ruined the universe
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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