that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Randomize
