Your face is a jimmy john
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
