I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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