I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
