and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
