She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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