I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
