I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
