smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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