Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
