Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
