your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
