Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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