I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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