I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
