I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
