Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
