just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
