So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
