The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
