Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
