I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
