do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
