I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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