so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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