Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
